Sadness: You Can’t Have the Light Without the Darkness

“The word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”
— Carl Jung

There is a strange thing we do with sadness.

We try to run from it.

We try to fix it.

We try to explain it away.

Someone sees us having a bad day and immediately says, “Come on! Cheer up!”

As if sadness were a stain on our clothing that someone else could simply wipe away.

As if happiness were the only emotion we were allowed to wear in public.

But what if sadness isn’t something we need to escape?

What if, sometimes, sadness is simply something we need to sit with?

I learned this lesson in a rather unexpected way.

I was excited about a guy I had met online. We seemed to click. He was funny, cute, charming, playful—the whole package, at least from what I could tell through a screen.

I was looking forward to meeting him.

And then…

He canceled our date at the last minute.

And after that?

Nothing.

I was ghosted.

Now, intellectually, I knew he wasn’t necessarily the right person for me. But knowing something in your head doesn’t mean your heart immediately gets the memo.

I was hurt.

I was discouraged.

I was sad.

I was on the verge of tears, trying desperately to hold back what eventually became that completely undignified, uncontrollable, ugly cry.

And you know what?

I skipped a Labor Day weekend pool party.

I stayed home.

And I cried.

I didn’t need someone to tell me I would find somebody else.

I didn’t need someone to tell me, “You’re better off without him.”

I didn’t need chocolate.

I didn’t need a party.

I didn’t need somebody trying to drag me into happiness before I was ready.

I needed a box of tissues.

I needed some space.

And I needed to sit in the shit.

That is my very unglamorous name for allowing yourself to experience the hard stuff without immediately trying to escape it.

Because sometimes, sitting in the shit is exactly what healing looks like.

My dad always wanted me to be happy whenever I was sad.

And I understand that.

When someone you love is hurting, you want to take the pain away.

But here’s the problem:

We can’t be happy every minute of every day.

That’s not life.

Happiness is a feeling. A mood. And like every other feeling, it comes and goes.

Sadness comes.

Anger comes.

Disappointment comes.

Grief comes.

Fear comes.

And eventually, they leave.

The goal isn’t to live permanently in happiness.

The goal is to become strong enough to experience the full range of being human without believing that every difficult emotion is going to destroy us.

Sometimes, you just need to cry.

Sometimes, you need to be disappointed.

Sometimes, you need to admit:

“This really hurts.”

And that’s okay.

You are allowed to have a bad day.

You are allowed to be disappointed.

You are allowed to not be okay.

You are allowed to sit in your shit for a little while.

But—and this is important—you don’t build a house there.

You sit.

You feel.

You learn.

And eventually, you get up.

Because the shit is a place you visit.

It is not where you live.

Maybe you’re sitting in the shit because you didn’t get the promotion you wanted.

Maybe you lost a job.

Maybe someone said something cruel about you online.

Maybe your relationship is falling apart.

Maybe your business failed, and you’re embarrassed.

Maybe you had an accident.

Maybe someone you love received devastating news.

Maybe you’re simply exhausted from trying to hold everything together.

Whatever your shit happens to be, your feelings are real.

But they are not permanent.

And that distinction matters.

After my little heartbreak, something interesting happened.

I eventually started feeling better.

Not because somebody forced me to.

Not because I pretended I wasn’t hurt.

It just happened.

Time did its work.

And when I was ready, I started doing little things for myself.

I cleaned my apartment.

I bought beautiful flowers.

I got sushi for my mom and me.

I bought myself new earrings.

I finally replaced that ancient computer that had been hanging on for dear life.

I began taking care of myself—not because I was trying to outrun my sadness, but because I was finally ready to step out of it.

I also turned to two things that have always helped me process emotions:

music and movies.

Music can reach places inside us that ordinary words can’t.

So I put on “Let It Go” from Frozen and sang it at the top of my lungs in the shower.

Because sometimes healing isn’t elegant.

Sometimes healing sounds like singing Disney songs while shampoo runs down your face.

And sometimes, healing looks like watching Legally Blonde and remembering that Elle Woods didn’t let heartbreak become the end of her story.

She turned it into the beginning of something else.

I also turn to Scripture.

When I am hurting, I want God’s words nearby.

There is something comforting about remembering that sadness does not mean God has abandoned us.

Sometimes, the darkness is simply part of the journey.

I’ve always loved the idea that you can’t have the light without the darkness.

Think about that.

We recognize sunlight because we’ve experienced night.

We appreciate laughter because we’ve known tears.

We recognize peace because we’ve survived storms.

We understand joy because we’ve known sorrow.

Maybe the darkness isn’t the opposite of the light.

Maybe the darkness helps us recognize the light.

And eventually, my sadness lifted.

There were still little tinges of it here and there, but I wasn’t living there anymore.

And, of course, life had a little surprise waiting for me.

Someone new came along.

And suddenly, my blues didn’t seem nearly as important anymore.

But here’s the bigger lesson:

I don’t think the new guy cured my sadness.

Time did.

Healing did.

Allowing myself to feel did.

Being kind to myself did.

The new relationship was simply another reminder that life keeps moving.

And that’s what I want you to remember.

If you’re sitting in the darkness right now, don’t be ashamed of it.

Grab your tissues.

Cry.

Pray.

Listen to your music.

Watch your favorite movie.

Call somebody you trust.

Take a walk.

Clean your house.

Buy yourself some flowers.

Eat your favorite meal.

Do something kind for yourself.

But don’t rush.

And don’t let somebody else convince you that you’re taking too long to heal.

You don’t have to feel better just because somebody else is uncomfortable with your sadness.

Healing has its own timetable.

At Phoenix Coaching, this is one of the things I believe deeply: we don’t have to pretend the hard parts of life aren’t there in order to build a meaningful life beyond them.

Sometimes we have to acknowledge the pain before we can move through it.

Sometimes we have to sit in the shit.

And then, when we’re ready, we stand up.

One small step.

Then another.

And another.

Until one day, you look around and realize:

The darkness isn’t as dark anymore.

The tears have stopped.

The wound isn’t quite as tender.

And somewhere beyond the clouds, there is sunlight.

Maybe that’s the beautiful thing about sadness.

It reminds us that we are human.

It reminds us that we cared.

It reminds us that our hearts are still capable of feeling deeply.

So if you’re having a bad day today, don’t beat yourself up for it.

Feel it.

Honor it.

Cry if you need to.

Sit in your shit for a little while.

Just remember to eventually get up.

Because this, too, shall pass.

And when the darkness finally fades…

step into the light.

You deserve to feel its warmth.

Action Nibbles

If you’re going through a difficult season, give yourself permission to feel it.

Don’t numb every uncomfortable emotion.

Don’t rush yourself.

Don’t compare your healing to somebody else’s.

When you’re ready, begin taking small steps toward yourself again:

• Indulge in something you genuinely enjoy.
• Listen to music that helps you release what you’re feeling.
• Watch a movie that makes you laugh or inspires you.
• Declutter your space and create a peaceful environment.
• Call a friend.
• Take a walk and notice the beauty around you.
• Pray or spend time with Scripture.
• Do something kind for yourself.

And most importantly:

Give it time.

Time doesn’t erase everything, but it gives our hearts room to process what happened and discover what comes next.

If you’re struggling to find your way through a difficult season and you’re ready for support, Phoenix Coaching is here to help you build a life beyond the obstacles standing in your way.

Phoenix Coaching
Helping you move through what broke you—and discover what can rise from the ashes.

Reach out to me through Phoenix Coaching to learn more about coaching, resources, and upcoming programs.

If you’re sitting in the darkness right now and you’re ready for someone to walk beside you—not to rush you out of it, but to help you find your way through it—we’re here.

At Phoenix Coaching, we believe your circumstances don’t have to define the rest of your story. Sometimes, you just need someone to remind you that there is still light ahead.

Ready to take your next step?

Contact Phoenix Coaching today.
🌐 Visit: https://phoenixjourney.com/
📧 Email: nayerie.youssefian2287@gmail.com

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